Have you ever just said "time out world"? I haven't. At 33, my friends are moving onto the next stage of life and I am throwing caution into the wind and putting my faith in myself that everything will work out just fine.
In May this year, I resigned from my job. As an expat in Singapore, this puts me in a strange position. I no longer have a work pass there and since I haven't lived and paid taxes in Ireland in 8 years, I am a citizen of the world right now. When I first thought about this I got goose pimples - what an adventure and what a risk... but as my wise younger brother says "Fortune favors the brave Laura". With the world at my feet, where shall I go and what shall I do?
For those who know me, such a move is quite un-Laura-like. Taking this decision and finding comfort in it myself is one thing, explaining it to those who love me, support me and are proud of me is another thing altogether. As I began to explain to my peers, my friends, my mentors and above all my family, I was astonished at how excited they were for me. The doubt I had in my head about my future was my doubt, my voice, and just my view. I will be forever grateful to the people who have spent time with me over the past few months, helping me to understand what was happening to me, helping me to frame my decision and especially to those who introduced me to their friends and family who have supported me and given me their advise. People are kind, people help. My first lesson learned: talking to people you trust helps to simplify the narrative and gives you the courage of many to act alone. You do not have to be strong on your own.
The past year has been a difficult one for me as I struggled with a relationship breakup and my dream job in my dream company not working out as expected. Over the past year, my friends and family always saw a positive upbeat Laura, trusting that things happen for a reason and believing that everything will work out in the end. However, positivity is sometimes just denial, so instead of pretending, I admit that I am hurting, I am tired, I am not happy in what I am doing and therefore I am not good at what I am doing. I can choose to stay on this track, bumping along every day…. or I can take some time out to reset so that I can come back as the girl I know I am. I am a truly positive force of energy, who wants to be happy and make people happy and comfortable in my company. I am ambitious, hard-working, especially when the purpose and my role in achieving this purpose are clear. This is a blog to my 43-year-old self, 10 years from now, so I can look back and be proud of myself.
As the saying goes, " if not me, then who; if not now, then when?" I have set myself a challenge over the coming months... to do something extraordinary, something I can look back on in years to come and be so proud of. I have yet to define what this will be but I want to look back on these months and know that I spent time on myself, I worked to help others, learned something new and had a enriching experience doing all of this.
I also want to use this time to be truthful and authentic to myself, a word and a state of being that I have been challenged to find over the past few years, maybe more than a few. In life, we get caught in the rat race and often forget to check in with ourselves to see if we are happy with where we are, who we are with and with what we are doing. I have, over the course of the past few years neglected to check in with myself and have made numerous bad choices, choices I want to see as learnings rather than failures and use all of these experiences to help me course correct. Over the past 6 months, I have began to realise how much easier it is to be authentic to myself and how comfortable people around me are when I am relaxed and in the moment with them. As I recently said to a friend - I simply will not put up with my own BS anymore.
My youngest brother Niall is probably the most authentic person I know and spending time with him over the past year in Singapore and in San Francisco has been such a learning for me. His approach to work and friendships is simply so simple and authentic to himself, he is so easy and wonderful to be around and I am in awe to see how people gravitate towards him. Role models can be found in many places, I didn't expect to find my role model for authenticity in my youngest brother.
I find my peace when I am climbing so I expect to spend sometime in the mountains over the coming months.
Time out first came to me when I was travelling with my cousin Claire last Christmas. We spent 2 weeks on the South Island in New Zealand and the fresh air was a balm to my little soul, this first picture is me on top of Roy's Peak in Wanaka. Time out then seemed to be a ridiculous notion, given that I had only started my new job a year before.
The second picture is me at Yosemite. When I handed in my notice, my little brother told me to jump on a plane and come for as long as I wanted to San Francisco. While I was there, I rented a car and drove to Yosemite (my drivers license is <1 year old and I am on the "wrong" side of the road in the USA - deep breath here!) The heights of Yosemite were worth every deep breath and steep incline. Freedom is the feeling you have when you are standing in a crop top with your hair around your shoulders and the wind gently caressing your tummy!
The third picture is probably the most important picture in my life in 2019, it is the moment I turned to my friends husband while coming down from Kota Kinabalu in March and said "as a hiring manager, what would you think if i just took time off, if I went travelling with no plan for where I would end up after". His response was simple and logical. "Go. You have built your career you are not 25 and if I was sitting across from you in an interview, I would love to know what you had learned". Thank you Chris.
Travelling solo, Udaipur in Rajasthan, India is my first destination, where I will begin my ramblings and musings, the city of lakes...